My Dearest Susan,
I am writing this letter to you from the camp in Mexico where we have just arrived two days ago. We were very tired to therefore I didn’t have time to start writing immediately. We are planning to stay in this camp for 5 more days the time that Corporal decides to take off. In the camp we live as a family having fun together and playing chess. The food in the camp is pretty good since there are women that are helping for the cooking. Concerning the security of the camp, it is very safe since it is very far from war. I am starting to miss you very much as well as for young Tom I hope he’s feeling better after my departure. I wish you could be here with me where I’ll show you all my friends and family and make you taste the flavor of war and how everyone cares for one another one.
During the night the camp gets really fun each person starts telling their stories and telling about extreme moments during the battles and how do they feel on the trenches. Some people share their fears and how they could have died. We also share jokes and sing songs to forget our problems that can be haunting us deep in our hearts. Our favorite singing songs are “And He'd Say "Oo-La-La Wee-Wee", by George Kessel, and "America Here's My Boy", by Peerless Quartet's hit. When we get to sleep all I can think of is you and how I’d rather be with you than risk my life to help my country because when I think of it Susan, you are my life, my country, and my nation and I love you and always will. I hope that I won’t die to be able to see you again because I can’t bear living without you. It is harder for me since my friend Peter died because of me and I could have helped and I didn’t.It all happened two weeks ago on a trench where we were 4 using a big machine gun and shooting the German troops when the night came we had to let two people awake and two other
could sleep. When Peter and David finished their shift they saw that I had catched some kind of disease therefore Peter took two shifts in a row. During my shift the Germans threw an iron canister grenade and it killed both of the guys and kept me alive since I was hidden. I could have died in his place and he would of pursuit his dream of being a doctor. I feel so miserable for having killed a person that would serve as something to the world.My dear Susan I have to say the truth about something that I am afraid is inevitable. War is hard and I don’t think I’ll be able to survive because of the dangerous diseases that I will probably get. I learned from the Corporal that in Sante Fe there are huge amounts of mustard gas and that 50 percent of our group will die. If I won’t die with mustard gas, then I’ll die in a trench. Life there is really hard since we have to avoid receiving bullets and the only protection we have are the sandbags and sometimes I am so afraid that I want to commit suicide to finish with this.
For Tom you son, I want him to be a pilot as he has always wanted to be. I hope that you’ll be here for him through hard and easy times to reach his goal. You should tell him the truth and I’d like for both of you to live your lives as usual and don’t forget to have fun. Tell little Tom to keep up with his baseball pitches and I’d like to offer him my baseball bat. Tell Tom I love him and that even though I shouted at him it I always wanted him to succeed. I want you my dear Susan to help Tom exploit his potential in drawing and baseball and make sure he trains to become a better baseball player as he likes doing and for him to have very talented art skills.
Concerning the heritage, I’d like for you and Tom to split everything since you are the only family I have and on the cupboard in my wood shelf is a ring and I’d like you to wear it during 1 year in a dedication to our lives if Tom agrees with these circumstances. As for Tom, except for my baseball bat, I’d like to offer him a bracelet that is hidden in my cupboard too and it has our initials name written on it in order for him to remember me.
To finish my dear Susan, I want to apologize for making you suffer after my death and I want you to move on, but remember me, remember us and all what we used to be because we shared moments that must last forever and I never had these feelings that I feel for you and now I don’t know what to do because I’ll never be with you. I hoped that I could I share some more time with you but life is life. Hope you’ll live a great life.
Goodbye my Lover,
Amine Benkirane
